So much better than me
by LovelessDuchess
Summary: Cold winter nights are good for two things. "Afraid your new wife is going to bite you Mister Hatake?" How I let her talk me into that first date. Remembering very clearly telling her.


**Rating: Teen**

**Pairing: Kakashi/Kurenai**

**Told in Kakashi p.o.v.**

Cold winter nights are good for two things. _"Afraid your new wife is going to bite you Mister Hatake?" _How I let her talk me into that first date. Remembering very clearly telling her.

"No..you deserve someone better than me."

Even now sitting in this cold room I remember everything.. Even if I lie to myself. Telling myself I don't.

Long black eyes lashes help hide those stunning crimson eyes. Red lips form a cocky smirk. _"Oh so it's a challenge than?" _Those crimson red orbs that always seen through all my bullshit from my past... A son of a traitor, who shame force him to take his own life, the angry child that the Yellow Flash took a liking to, to the rule drilling Jonin who let his whole team down. Obito, who died protecting us... Rin, who I murder in cold blood to protect our village secret. I couldn't even help my own sensei in the protecting the village.

"I promise I don't bite. Cross my heart" I

remember not letting her finishing the last part. As I couldn't let another person die for my sake. Grabbing the bottle of saké the Hokage gave us as a wedding present. _"You won't bite me? Well we'll have to see about that, Kurenai Hatake."_

I thought if I didn't make eye contact.. I could somehow win this losing battle. However her eyes were not her only weapon she has over me. Not when she wearing that pale purple thigh high nightgown.

Like I said at the beginning of this tale cold winter night are good for two things. Making memories of your wedding night that will last a lifetime.

Closing my eyes now I still can feel her beside me, every sound, every giggle, even the scent of shampoo. Honey mix ginger. Something that was hard to miss as I woke up every morning with her long raven color hair covering up part of my face.

The second thing the cold night bring.. Guilt as every memory cut deeper than the next.

Laying back in our bed, staring at what use to be her side. What use to be the warmest side of the bed. Now feels colder than the winter winds outside. My eyes drifted down to the spot where her nightgown always end up.. Hanging off one of the bed post.

"You want me to pack up everything and walk out that door after six months?"

My lies of everything were fine. Great even. My past guilt was completely gone.. And yet one drink no longer kept my past demons at bay. I told her from the beginning she could do so much better than scum like me. But she was too stubborn to see it until the night she left. We buried ourself in work. Endless ANBU mission for me as Kurenai had her Chunin duty at the Academy.

Every day that pass felt like a lifetime without her. Bring me back to regret, as I remember telling her a lie the very moment she walked out. I wish I never told her it was over. As I can no longer pretend I never think about her. But everything in this tiny place we use to call home reminds me of her. To the burn marks on the wall from out first meal as husband and wife. To the small kitchen sink we let over flood due to indulging ourselves in desire. That's she started that time. Even the beat up couch held some good times. Where we use to sit and just talk about our day or just sleeping the day away.

Pouring myself a drink on the coffee table she had to have. All because it spoke to her. _"A high rank shinboi like yourself shouldn't have a problem dragging this tiny table across the village."_ Curse those crimson eyes, curse female very femmite curves. Curse that day. Gai thought it was some type of new strength training, older shinobi only smiled shaking their head as they looked at their own wives.

Wobbling, ugly dark wood coffee table that I nearly Lightening Blade in two when it wouldn't fit through the front door. _"Smile." _Flash of light as I was another one of her victim for her scrap-book she was working on at the time. She never did finish it. As I notice still sitting on her desk. Kurenai started that thing once we starting dating. Two stupid teenager who thought everything will work out. Seventeen year old with their whole life ahead of them.

Flipping through the pages of time past, stopping a few pages in. Smiling at the only memory I never want to lose. It can be taken in two ways. Shame on the fact I let a Chunin sneak into the ANBU compound on one of the crazies times I spent locked inside the locker room.

'I can't let it end like this. Not on a lie.' I thought until I felt slender arms wrap around my neck. Warm breath on my ear. "After a lot of thinking. I came up with your answer of how I could do better than you. That maybe true. However I don't want anyone else. So here my real answer. Yes I may be able to so do 'better than you' but could you find someone better than me."

Kurenai made a very good point. One I couldn't argue with as there no one out there for me that's come to her. But we'll keep that between you and me since I can not let her win this one.

**A/N and one more done on my personal challenge for myself. I hope all the Kakashi/Kurenai fan like it. I know there not many of us to like this pairing. So all who still like them this one for you. Sorry for any grammar error. Maybe one day I'll have a beta or something.**


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